Strip off the slab, sharpen up the obsidian knife . . .

A passage from J.G. Frazer’s The Golden Bough:

‘It was the belief of the ancient Irish that when their kings observed the customs of their ancestors, the seasons were mild, the crops plentiful, the cattle fruitful, the waters abounded with fish, and the fruit trees had to be propped up on account of the weight of their produce. A canon attributed to St. Patrick enumerates among the blessings that attend the reign of a just king “fine weather, calm seas, crops abundant, and trees laden with fruit.” On the other hand, dearth, dryness of cows, blight on fruit, and scarcity of corn were regarded as infallible proofs that the reigning king was bad.’

Not to mention economic collapse, swine flu, floods, and being turfed out of the World Cup. Indeed, all this nonsense about securing a replay is just that, nonsense. The mojo is simply not with us: we could have ten replays and the result would still be the same.

In ancient times, in situations like this, an unlucky king might well be running a nervous finger around the inside of his collar . . .

[For those of a literalist disposition, I'm being ironic . . .]